The Time Traveller
17: Battledere 7-04-84
Battledere. Last but one. Was it all worth it? Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps it’s not for me to say?
Or perhaps it’s only for me to say?
The gig was largely so-so. The heart, the soul, the love, the logic - it had all gone, leaving behind a mass of degenerative mulch. We no longer called ourselves the Woodworms. It seemed trite and disrespectful to Comfy’s memory. Still, at the end, as usual, we were there, in the coach, though the atmosphere was frosty. The separation, the gap between hero and hero-worshipper, it widened as the worshipping became sparse, distant and unemotional. It was function, much like life.
Susie was reflective, but not particularly saddened. I got the impression she was more concerned about having to see the senseless death of someone than a person she particularly cared for, but then it had all been for show. Eddy had become distant from Loffie also, as though the target for his covetness was no longer a threat. It started an argument that should never have happened. It also ended a relationship that had only ever been paper thin to begin with. The air was charged with a tensive electricity, a palpable atmosphere of tinder smoking in a roughly made fire.
Loffie desperately turned to Eddy, “Why don’t you hold me any more, Eddy? You know I think I love -“
He shot her a dangerous look, “Don’t. Don’t say that. That’s ridiculous.” words which simply began Loffie sniffling, trying to hold back tears, “Come on. Don’t act so - so -“
“Childish?” cut in Susie. She seemed angry for some reason. Perhaps it was that she had invested in her relationship with Comfy after all, even though it been a charade.
Eddy looked at Susie, “Susie, let’s not get into this now -“
“Why not? Why shouldn’t we? Someone died you know, Ed. Have some respect!”
“Both of you, have some respect. Comfy’s only been gone a few days -“ curt in Freddie, himself looking despondent.
“Right! This is stupid now!” said Eddy, slapping his thigh.
“What do you mean?” asked Ippy, one who has become a voice of reason.
Eddy simply stared at Susie, “Nothing.”
“What is it, Ed? Jealous of what Susie and the kid had?” suggested Callum, already quite drunk. The alcohol allowed him to voice that which many were actually thinking but didn't say.
Loffie then looked hard at Eddy, “You’re not, are you? Please don't tell me you're into me to make her jealous?”
Eddy shook his head vigorously, but the pause before he spoke said all it needed to, “No! Of course not babe. What we’ve got is special.”
“You are! You - bastard!” Loffie stood, her hand hovering for a slap, which never came. Instead she turned on her heels and left the coach, raggedly holding back tears which escaped through the cracks in her grief. Another death - another life lost. Another lie for the faithful, now become faithless.
Viv’s head lolled in despair, and Freddie just stared at any point on the coach that didn't contain a band member. Ippy stood and called for calm, even as Cora, who was quite obviously heartbroken, stood and followed Loffie from the coach, to be the heart she needed right at that moment, but as she did, she let out a parting shot to Woodrowe, “He loved you! And you don’t even shed a tear for him!”
“He was a fan. We love all our -“ began Ben, but Cora was already gone, leaving a disturbing silence, of distant cars upon wet roads and the echoing sounds of wildlife venturing forth in the urban sprawl, hunting for food.
And, you know? I think I lost my heart, last of all.
#
I’m sure I shall forever be lost in time. Maybe when this story is over, I might venture further - later or earlier? There are times I would like to see, with my own eyes. The rise and fall of Empires, the creation of life, the end of humanity as a whole - there is, and there will be so much to see.
And of this little story? It was of a moment, and that moment has passed. I should use my limited time to explore all I can, with heart, with soul, with logic and with lust, a conglomeration of the parts into the whole - an exploration of the self through the different situations I might find, along my never ending, limitless search.
Besides, my once present is now irrevocably altered. If I was to return to my present, nothing would be the same. There would be no point as all my points of reference would have changed.
Time to make some new points. That’s what I say.
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